Deep and twisty

We all have different sides of us that we let people see.
When we walk along through our days passing strangers and sharing small talk, we show the nice things. The things that you can walk up to anyone and tell them, the good, but little things in life.
Then we go a little deeper, to acquaintances, co-workers, people you see more often and share more about your life. Still normally you would leave your baggage at home.
Family and friends, the ones you love, trust, and should be able to talk about anything too..
But then there is a part that is twisty and scary, we leave that at home, in our rooms, only brought out late at night or when we are all alone.

The nice side,
the bad side,
and the deep twisty side.

This is what defines us, how we act everyday by ourselves and towards other people all around us.

This was a draft I guess I never came back to finish but I feel like putting it up as it is.

Hey folks. I know it has been quite awhile and I'm going to be honest I went through some rough shit while I've been gone but I think I have been making some pretty big steps forward. So lets just jump right into where I left off... I went through a rough patch (okay a really rough patch) and was having depressing thoughts and such, I spent a whole lot of time sleeping and not wanting to be near anyone, but I have taken it day by day and can say that I'm not even mad at anything that has happened. I have made some awesome new friends and have drifted away from others. I waitress now, trying to get my act together. Well now I am rambling... I guess I have one more thing that is kind of the reason I came back to this blog.. I started writing again.. Not sure how long it will last but here it is...

Am I pretty she asked the neighbor boy she played with after school
Am I pretty she asked her mom who was too drunk to hear the words
Am I pretty she asked at her date as he drove away that last time
Am I pretty she asked the older girls as they laughed and pushed her away
Am I pretty she screamed into the mirror giving up and losing all hope
Am I pretty she whispered softly wishing for just the answer yes

                                                                       

I'd give them to you from the start,
If the words were still in my heart,
But the words have lost their flare,
As you can tell from my vacant stare,
The time that passes seems so slow,
And our love has lost it's vibrant glow,
We look into each other empty and hallow,
The truth we both know too much to swallow,
As the sun goes down we both walk away,
Knowing neither had it in them to stay.

                                                                         

When darkness sets in it's quiet and still,
everything is against you pushing your will,
You keep a straight face all through the day,
by the time you get home it just falls away,
You cry yourself to sleep where time moves too fast,
dreaming all the dreams you wish would last,
as the sun starts to rise you stir from your sleep,
losing the safe place you wish you could keep,
Back to reality happens all too soon,
So you count the hours until you are back in your room.

                                                                             

Wake me up when dawn breaks,
Kiss me gently as my body shakes,
Electricity moving through the air,
A feeling to know the other is there,
As the day goes on feelings fade,
We both know a mistake was made,
But as dusk comes sweeping in fast,
We treat tonight as if it were our last.

                                                                              

It's a beautiful day but you're still there,
Drifting through my thoughts like you still care,
Bringing back all those good times together,
Killing todays' almost perfect weather,
I can't seem to get you out of my mind,
No matter how hard I try to leave you behind,
I'll continue to live with a smile in my face,
The one thing that's mine you couldn't erase.

                                                                                 

Alright.. That is that. But I guess I have something else on my mind that I'll go ahead and throw out here while I'm here. I have always been bad at making friends, I am awkward. different, and bad at conversations sometimes. I have accepted that I have been "hard wired" differently than most other people. I try to see the best in people and I always believe the best in people but that has definitely screwed me over many times and I have grown. I am starting to see the value of who I am honestly because for the first time in a long time I have friends and a boyfriend that are beyond words. I don't think that they all know how much they mean to me even though I try to tell them. I know this will sound corny but honestly when you are so damn low in life and feel like you are nothing not just because of the people around you but because of the way you are and have been treated your whole life just having people care and want you around means the world. Literally the world.


So hopefully I grow some balls and tell someone about this blog that will actually read it. haha.

Bye friends.