Changes for good

I have recently taken some big steps in my life. If you follow my blog you may have gotten a few hints that I'm not the happiest person all the time. I have struggled with depression and have finally got the courage and push I needed to try antidepressant pills. I have been on these pills for three months now, although I do feel better overall I still have days that just plain suck. But with the help of my friends and my determination I have been doing a lot better. I have let my friends be a bigger part of my life and give me the support that has helped me become a happier person.

I also have made a huge decision about my schooling, I am not going back this fall. I don't know how long I'll be out of school but I will be taking this time to really think about what I want to do in life, what I want out of life, and where I am going from here.

Lately I have been having a lot of sucky days but I have not given up. I was talking to one of my friends the other day about how sucky I have been feeling and that honestly I have been scared. She told me that it is okay to be scared, that instead of falling into depression and letting it all consume me I am trying like hell to climb out. And I am trying like hell, I'll be honest and say there are still some days that I don't even want to get out of bed but I do.. eventually. There are days I just want to push everyone that I know can help me away and just party and be stupid, and I do. But at the end of the day I am still trying my hardest. I am just hoping that my hardest will continue to be enough.

Sometimes everything consumes me and considering I haven't cut in quite awhile I haven't quite figured out how to deal with everything. But I know it is possible. Everyday I am glad I get another chance to battle my depression, I get another day to be glad I haven't given into my depression and to become the person I want to be.