Love that lasts a lifetime

I remember when we did everything together, my big brother Alex and I. Staying up late and telling each other everything. Hot wheel cars and climbing trees. Spending so much time outside freckles covered our faces. Our silly grins and not shy attitudes made everyone around us laugh. And as we got older we just got into so much more mischief. I remember when trick or treating meant coming home, dumping our bags and making sure we both got the good stuff. Sharing wasn't always easy, but we managed. People started to think we were twins, even though we are three years apart.

There were a few brief years somewhere in there when I wanted to be girly, but the majority of my life was trying to be just like my brother. We could make anything into a fun adventure, nothing was boring if you took us along. As we got older playing outside was more of a race to the tops of the trees, where we spent a lot of our time trying to climb higher and higher. Building "forts" around the tree and making it so we could play outside even when it was cold because we would have shelter. When we were doomed indoors by bad weather we occupied ourselves, with sonic on Sega, any game on the Nintendo, and lets not forget those hot wheel cars.

My brother also had a castle for his action figures. We would pull that out on rainy days and play with all of his action figures, saving the day and such. But I believe our favorite thing to do on a rainy day was go out into the garage and build stuff. We would find scraps of wood and put them into a pile for a rainy day, then run out there and just start nailing stuff together.

Clearly we were close, and still are. Maybe not as close as we used to be but we still have fun adventures (now involving vehicles and the words "I want to make it home alive!"), kick back and play some Sega, Nintendo, or our new favorites COD or rock band, and still enjoy a game of catch outside with our little sister. Who was a surprise a few years back.

Our now 8 year old sister, Joleen, was a shocker to me when I was 11 and my brother being around 14 years old. So sometimes our adventures include a car seat and happy meals, but honestly who could complain about that?

All of my life I tried to be like my big brother, always looking up to him. When things got hard, when I didn't know what to do, whenever. Now that I have a little sister I know how my brother must have felt for all of those years. My sister loves to be "just like sissy" and as awesomely cute that is, it is also terrifying. I don't want to screw up and teach my sister something bad. The pressure is on, but the fun of having a great big brother and an adorable little sister, that will never go away.



(:

I'm not perfect, but for you I'll try
lets lay on our backs, looking towards the sky
feeling right now, as the clouds drift by
It's been quite awhile, but here we lie
loving this moment, a feeling so high
this could all go away, in the blink of an eye
we might not last forever, but for you I'll try.

Don't hate me cause I'm different, love me because I try to fit in.

Put on a pretty face and let the world see
The lies you are speaking even to me
When they don't believe what you say
Tell all the people you'll be okay
Words that are stacked against you
Showing there is nothing you can do
So back to that unbelievable act
Keep moving forward never look back

I don't know anything about anything anymore. I'm sick of putting on this strong face but I'm too stubborn to crack. I won't crack. I can't. I'll just hide behind some words. And live for the good times. I'm slowly figuring out that that is what is best.

holy chiz and crackers...

Stringing words together in a way that creates a feeling in someone. I love the thought. Although I'm not sure if anyone reads this chiz of ever will. But I try.

Read this chiz and tell me what you think yo.

boy I hear you laugh and it makes me smile
the way nothing else ever has
I want to stop and talk to you but I'm too shy
so I just nod as I walk on by
I wish I could have said hello
but my heart can't take another no
so maybe tomorrow I'll have the guts
my last wounds have healed just enough

Sometimes you just cant sleep at night
thinking of me as you lay on you bed
wishing I was there holding you tight
being an escape from your head
you close your eyes and a tear falls out
wiping it away you've had enough
you just want to be with me you have no doubt
even if you know it'll be rough

your problems overwhelm you
they get inside your head
you don't know how to make it stop
you feel like a zombie wanting to be dead
fear rises in you its bubbling up inside
you just want to go back to feeling happy all the time
you want to see the good things
and be strong enough to ignore the bad
craving the fun times we always used to have
you don't see a way out but you are sure trying hard

feel the darkness create the pain
watch as everything else goes away
you don't want to think of his amazing smile
you just want to sit back and not think for awhile
blood trickles down you start to cry
pain fades fast as thoughts flood back
you curl up and try to sleep
but nightmares haunt you silently
you lie awake looking up at the stars
thinking of ways to hide this set of scars

my heart is beating souly for you
I have a craving it feels so new
I see your face and I run away
but while I run I long to stay
I wish to tell you how I feel
but fear wells up deep inside
so for now words go unspoken
and I'll continue to run and hide

my heart is breaking so down I'll fall,
someone catch me hear my call,
save me from the trouble I'm in,
lift me up help me win,
be my night in shining armor the frog i want to kiss,
please slow down just a little this chance i don't wanna miss,
aim for my heart and pull the trigger,
its already broke you'll just make the hole bigger,
give me a hug and wipe my eyes,
talk to me softly and watch me die,
my smile has faded and its long gone,
do you see a way out cause i only see one,
hand me that knife and run,
get far far away and have some fun,
forget about me I'll be fine,
close the door pass the wine,
don't come back to my bed,
by tomorrow ill surely be dead.

follow me i'll show you the way

There is a lot about me that no one knows. I think that is how everyone is though. If you stop and think really hard you could probably think one a few things that no one really knows. They may not be heart-stopping secrets or jaw dropping facts, but they factor into your life somehow and help make you who you are. One thing that only few people know about me is that I used to write poetry. I still do sometimes when I'm really bored or something pops in my head but not very often. I never thought I was any good, though the few people I have let read some stuff thought it was pretty good. So I figured I'd put some of my older stuff up here.

reaching out towards the light
knowing this is so not right
looking for your darling face
wishing to see your lovely grace
wanting you to hold me tight
tears fall down but i try to fight
not wanting you to see me crushed
i give out a sigh and all is hushed

sometimes i lie awake thinking about you
how we used to hang out and all the fun stuff we used to do
i look at the star lit sky
as a tear falls down i wonder why
why did it end how is it fair?
why aren't you lying beside me right here
i made a mistake everyone does
i cant believe you left me for good

i saw your face and it made me smile
my butterflies suddenly went wild
i tried to hold the excitement in
but as you came closer my feelings kicked in
i started to giggle and smile like a fool
but you smiled back and started giggling too
i got all excited but then looked again
you walked right by to another girl

Sometimes we fight and sometimes we fret
but there is one thing we cannot forget
the good times we have
the memories we've made
the stupid mistakes that make us cave
we have too much sugar and stay up way too late
but when it comes to our love it's the furthest from hate

My head is in a fog my thoughts are all unclear
people whisper all around me but i still hear
their words cut me deep but the scars you cannot see
i hide what i feel i don't trust people to see the real me
i want to open up but i fear that if i do my biggest fear will come true
that the ones i love won't love me any more
and id be left alone forever more

I hate these thoughts that haunt me lingering in my head
the tears that fall down i wish i were dead
i can never sleep I'm my own enemy
trapped in the past i don't trust my own memory
i hide in the hallways keeping my head down
no one notices or wants me around
one day i will just give up and disappear
just because no one cares

Look in my eyes, you'll see my soul
Listen to my heart, a the stories untold.

Make me whole again,
i really want to live,
get me outta this darkness,
help me see the light,
give me the hand i need,
and please hold on tight..

your standing over there
my heart is in despair
i don't know what to do
i screwed up now she's with you
we went together so perfectly
but now she's the only one you see
you've forgotten all about me
left me in your past
but I'm standing right here
and i don't know how long I'll last

lets stop all this bullshit
I'd rather hear the truth
give up the silly charade
look me in the eyes
tell me the horrid secretes
that make you tell those lies

the scares are a constant reminder
of the bad things in my head
the smile plastered on my face
hides my want to be dead
behind the scares and all the pain
is the hope that keeps me sain

this is how it works with you and me
the future is a blur the details we cant see
things are getting worse these days
we all live in such different ways
our paths don't cross as much as they did
and our hearts aren't what they used to be

i live in a world that changes alot
with every book comes a different new thought
im friends with harry potter and i've lived on a ship
ive gone to the moon and traveled with kip
when problems arise i just start to read
ive eaten green eggs and even green ham
ive traveled alot with my good friend sam
i sat next to lincolin when he was shot
scientists told me why lava is hot
a jazz quartet invited me to play
i love my little world its never the same

Well night ya'll.

pink, drums, and what?

Some girls, by nature, are not the "girly girl" type, me being a prime example. But I wanted to be a "girly girl," I wanted guys to look at me like they did all the "prettyer" girls, but it never seemed to work, or feel right. So I  just stayed a "tom boy," hanging out with the boys and forgetting pink and glitter and all that chiz. I became who I am now. The 19 year old who is curious about make-up, but would rather pull my hair back and worry more about having fun that the way I look. But every now and then it hits me, the urge to dress in nicer clothes and put a tad bit of make-up on, and every once in awhile I think of the little girl I used to be; the one who wanted to wear dresses all the time when I got older, the one who wanted to be a cheerleader. The little girl who when from dreaming of pompoms to dreaming of beating a drum.

It seems like one desicion can change everything, like my deciding to play drums. I would have never turned out to be the person I am if I wouldn't have become a drummer. Now weather that is a good or bad thing we weill never know. I never look back and regret picking the drums. I never look back and regret being a "tom boy" either.

I'm not sure what this blog is about to be honest. I'm not good with sticking to a topic, sorry.

I may not know a lot of things. But I know when I've had enough, I know when to give up, and when to keep trying. But I also have learned that sometimes it is not about what you know, it is about how you put your knowledge to practice.

I guess that's all.. Peace out!

people suck

Everyone makes mistakes. But what is the line between a mistake and just being careless? I sometimes feel as if my seeing-good-in-everyone view is a plus or a major negative. On one hand I am always looking for the good and giving chances other people don't give. But then I turn around and I'm getting hurt. I'm getting taken advantage of and pushed around. and I hate it. But I'm dumb and can't just say what I think. I'm too effing nice and hate it.

SO now this has just turned into ranting. And I don't even care. No one reads this anyways. I might as well get some use out of it and rant. I'm going to stop caring one day and everyone is just going to have to deal with it. They can all go find someone else to fuck with because I've about had enough of feeling like all I do is try for nothing.

I don't know what else to say. Bye.

day by day it all changes

I have always tried so hard to please everyone around me. Always. Along the way I have lost who I really am and what makes me who I am. I failed out of college. The only thing Ihad always thought I would be able to get through since I was a little kid and now I am out, lost and confused. People say everything happens for a reason, but honestly failing college does not seem to have any benifet. I just feel as if I let down a lot of people, including myself. I have a nice job, and a place to live until I figure out a plane B (of course I didn't have one). But I have been thinking of one. Pretty much just working and figuring it all out as I go. As shakey of a plan as it is it sounds good I have been beyond stressed trying to get through college and now I am stressed cause I didn'y make the grades... So now I guess I can start haveing some fun right? I do not want to come off as irresponsible (flunking out then having "too much" fun) but if I don't relax and have some fun than what is the point of living?? I have been going nut with stress and trying to fit everything in my poorly structured schedual. Now don't get me wrong my schedual still isn't without obsticals but I have a bit more room to breath and have a bit of fun.

This is my sister, Joleen. The best sister I could have asked for. I get to see her this weekend and I am so glad. You know why? Because this is the only person who when I tell her I woun't be going back to college, she won't care. She will still be my mini-me. She won't give me a "you should have tried harder" speech, or look at me like I did something horribly wrong. I love this little girl, she helps me have fun and relax.


Well folks, I'm heading to bed. Night.

kiss ass and turtle shit

Heyo.

I'm feeling random and emotional.
List time.

Things that make me happy:

• country music (the songs I like)
• reading a good book
• nice days
• dandilions
• bike rides
• friends and family
• my man
• laughing until i cry
• beautiful days
• sun sets
• sun rises
• seeing a rainbow

Things that I do not like:

• crying
• feeling alone
• not being able to sleep
• being ditched
• not being able to say what you need to say

These list can go on but I think I am going to try to sleep.

peace love and whatever else keeps you going.

Let's kick it!

Heyyyo..
So I was thinking the other day about how everyone just goes about their day and never really realizes what they are missing. My new thing lately has been trying to find something beautiful everyday. No matter how crappy the weather. It has been raining a lot lately and of course I'm not too happy but I have been trying to relate rain with happier things to make it less crappy.
STORY TIME!
A few summers ago my sister came over, we (my dad, her, and I) had just gotten back from somewhere and it was raining. I asked my sister if she had ever played in the rain and she said no because mother (who she primarily lives with) wouldn't let her. So I grabbed her up and we ran outside to play in the rain. We played for awhile until we were soaked through all of our clothes then we went inside changed and went on with the day.

So now when I see ran I think of that day, but that day is was a summer rain so it was warm. Right now it is shitty and cold raid, with horrid wind. Nut it isn't raining right now. Yet. Well my beautiful thing for today is the grass. It is really growing thick because of all the rain.

Did I mention I am almost over with my first year in college? Well I am. And I am stoaked. Summer is going to be a blast. I'm gonna get my party on! Bonfires, biking, long summer nights... I cannot wait! [:

Oh and another one of my favorite things about summer is count fairs. I love going and seeing the animals and people. Eating the amazing fair food. I was in 4-H for quite awhile too [:

Well I guess that is about all for now. Bye :D

Oh geez!

So I have completely forgotten to introduce myself! D: So my name is Sarah. I am 19, I live in a very small town. I love it sometimes, hate it at other times. I like to think I am normal, but I would be bias toward myself now wouldn't I?

Let's see I have an older brother, (we look so much freaken alike) A little sister, and I live with my dad. My sister lives with my mom but comes and see us everyother weekend. I also have 3 cats (Whiner, Stanley, and Frankie) and a dog (Dixie)

Music is my everything, is always has been. My friends are like my family, always there for me. My family are pretty much everything to me, with few exceptions. I work 3rd shift, go to college, and try to have fun along the way :D

My favorite color is green, hence why I like the warmer weather, grass, leaves, corn, plants... green(: I love to ride my bike, and take walks. I like being outside. I am sorta just saying random things now... ha

Any questions? Just ask(:

Let's get real.

From the tears in your eyes to the pain in your heart life goes on. I hate the tears you get, when you don't want to cry or you don't know you are going to, the kind that well up in your eyes until you blink or the just overflow. When I realize that these tears are welling up i just keep moving and try not to blink.


I hate when your heart gets hurt. It is a pain that can last too long and heal too slow. Sometimes it never heals. Affairs of the heart are a dangerous bussiness usually ending in pain somewhere along the way. Not knowing what lies ahead, not knowing what may change is what makes or breaks it.

That is somethingthat most people live with, the not knowing what is going to happen next or who is going to be there with you along the way.

well yeah...

oxox
Sarah